You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
