Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
