Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
