Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
