Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
