By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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