i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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