Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
