my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
