i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
