My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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