she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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