I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
