he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize