so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
