i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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