It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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