haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
