why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize