i jhust puked up my retainher.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
My dick has a subreddit
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Randomize
