Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize