Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
