She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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