I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize