I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
