i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
We have started to decorate penises.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
