I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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