the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
