I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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