I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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