I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
