when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Randomize
