He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
