everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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