Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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