I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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