I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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