Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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