Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
