i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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