so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
