You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
