I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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