just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
