Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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