there's paper in my vomit.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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