i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Randomize