I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
