so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
