I wish I could punch you in the face.
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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