We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
