I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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