Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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