i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
