whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
