I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
i want to swaddle you in tequila
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
