i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
