it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
