Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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