if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
