last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
