Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize