its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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