I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Randomize
