Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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