Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
