i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
