So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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