put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize