I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
