im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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