i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
