So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
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