there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize